“I’m old enough to know there’s nothing we love without incurring the
debt of grief.”
—Ellen Bass
Everything, once out of sight, disappears.
The sun, the stars, the cat as it scurries
under the bed. The bed, too, so why bother
tucking the fitted sheet right under the duvet.
See that fog, the one that shrouds memory
and roadways? Something might exist
beyond it, though not the wandering
convenience stores you came to know.
You might think love is the strongest,
the last barrier against that sudden flash
of unbeing. But smell, that’s what keeps
its hold. No amount of pine breeze can mask
the depth of grief, the knowing that the end
of this day will bring a new loss. An orange
and-black scarf never leaves your neck.
There could have been a tiger in your life
once. There could have been a love so epic
its very breath became the dedication
of all love poems after. In the gap of unknowing,
you could be the happiest.
No one remembers your debts. You forget
how you cried over every pet’s death.
Almost everyone will forget you as soon
as you’re dead, except for that tiger you spent
a summer with, once. It will crawl out of
the jungle sniffing for you,
for that time one single thing stayed when
the sun and the stars flashed away.
Manahil Bandukwala is the author of MONUMENT (2022) and Heliotropia (2024).
Questions and Answers
Is there a specific moment that inspired you to pursue poetry?
I began writing poetry during my undergraduate degree, greatly facilitated by the community of writers in Ottawa. The reading series and open mics showed me what the poetry world looked like, and I haven’t looked back since.
As a published writer, what are your tips or words of motivation for the aspiring poet?
I find inspiration in the art I enjoy reading or watching in my own time. When I read poems or books that I like, I add them to my personal body of inspiration, and all of this spills outward into creating poetry. Thinking about what art I already love is a great starting point for writing more.
What inspired or motivated you to write this poem?
I wrote “Object Permanence” after reading Ellen Bass’ Indigo. Indigo, and Bass’ work as a whole, brings careful intimacy and demands attention. During and after reading the poems in Indigo, I was living in this poetic world. I was ruminating on the link between love and loss, how loving deeply and intimately means there is the potential of deep grief. Bass’ use of the word “debt” had me thinking about the debts we have in a capitalist society. What if those were forgotten? But what if love was also forgotten?
What poetic techniques did you use in this poem? How much attention do you pay to form and metre?
The poem is written in couplets, and I knew this form was the best possible form for this poem. The association between couplets and love poems brings a gentle lyricism to the flow of the piece. While reading Indigo, I paid attention to the ways Bass uses enjambment, and through this study of her form replicated it in my own work.